Ah it's Christmastime again. Time to go to Florida to see relatives and family friends that I see about once a year. Lots of good times, good food, and presents. But inevitably, one question always gets asked me of. Especially since I graduated college: "Why aren't you married?" Or, if you're my Cuban step-grandmother, "Why you no have boyfriend? You need wear more perfume." This year I have prepared a list of sarcastic comebacks that I will most likely not have the guts to use, but I can always dream. Maybe some of you other singletons will be braver and actually use them on your relatives.
1. Because I just love hearing this question.
2. It gives my grandmother something to live for.
3. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
4. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
5. Why aren't you thin?
6. I'm not done boozing and whore-ing.
7. My hope is that if I postpone it long enough I'll be deaf during the inevitable "Barney" phase of child-rearing.
8. I'm still hoping for a chance to become Miss America.
9. The government has asked me to stay single until I finish my assignment.
10. My many lovers would never understand.
